Current mood:

depressed

Im losing everyone. Jake is too busy with his slut of a gf misty to even say hi to me anymore. Britt v is gone I don’t ever see her or even talk to her. Nikki is in different weeks so I never see her and if I do its only for like 10 min. Bert is moving so I wopnt see her except in school and we cant really talk about anything in school. My mom I sowrking all the time so I don’t ever see her long enough to talk with her. Thai goes to south so I don’t see him I talk to him but only for like 20 min cuz that’s all I can be on the phone for. Kristy is like never at school and even when she is I don’t see her cuz she is in different weeks. John is there for me but I have been so busy trying to hid things from ppl I don’t talk about my problems really.Liz I don’t even talk to nevermind see she like dissappears during the school year or she is too busy with chris. I barely can talk to the ones I do see cuz they arent real close friends. I fucking hate it. I need to stop smoking and I have been trying to stop cutting but neither is working very well.im going fucking crazy I think I might ask my mom to put me back in the hopital if bert moves cuz she is the only one that keeps my sane and if she leaves I don’t know what ill do. Why do I have all these stupid problems why cant life go back to the way it was in 7th and 8th grade when I was happy truly happy. My brother tim is back so he is causing all these bullshit problems yet again and I hate him for that his kids don’t remember me cuz of him. His kids don’t have a father cuz of him. His kids are gonna be so screwed up cuz of him. Damnit I fucking hate whinning about my problems but I need to get them out or im gonna explode and have a nervous breakdown or something. I hate myself cuz this always happens to me I always find myself getting into problems. Well I think I should go or my parents are gonna ask whats wroung so im gonna go buried myself in blankets and take a sleeping pill and just hope I don’t wake up

Xoxo
Susan